I feel like Ryan is an irresponsible selfish loser.
He is not motivated or driven. Doesn't take initiative and definately doesn't take advice, especially when he knows it's good for him.
He gets defensive like a child. He behaves like a child too...nuzzling into my shoulder like he needs me to love him, accept him.
Well guess what. Maybe I'd love you if you fuckin wore the pants around here. It'd be so attracted to you if you just showed some self-motivation and direction in your life.
And maybe if you did the core things first, like remembering to pick me up from work. Or remembering to have your phone on you in case you forget and I need to call and remind you.
Sure, the frillies are nice...breakfast in the morning, my own personal suck-up when you do something wrong. But that's not what I want.
I want a man who can provide and take care of me. Who can help research and make important decisions in our lives. Who will be proactive and work with me as a team, dividing responsibilities.
Yes, it's great that you do the dishes and the laundry, and that yes, you always do it when it needs to be done, I don't need to remind you.
But is it so hard to bring dirty dishes back to the sink instead of leaving them at the computer desk? Is it so hard to wipe up the crumbs after you prepare yourself a snack? Is it so hard to put the fuckin brush back in the bedroom on the dresser instead of leaving it at the computer, on the coffeetable, on the kitchen counter of all places?!
I can't stand this. Why do I do this? Over and over and over again? YOu don't make me happy. I love you, but you don't make me happy. You're a decent guy. You are honest and loving, and truly care about me. How often do you come across a man like that? So loyal. But you know what? That's not good enough.
You are like a child to me sometimes. I DON'T like the way you behave when you do something wrong. All pouty and sad and sorry. Grow up and be a man. Take accountability for your actions. Tell me what you did wrong, why it happened and what you're going to do differently in the future.
Oh god. I can't marry this guy. I love him, but it's torturing me.
Stand me up at work. Stand me up at Maverick's. I can't count on you for shit.
Get your shit together. Or, if you can't, find a girl who doesn't mind looking after you for the rest of your life.
I'm through with this bullshit.
I'm definately putting this marriage off until we get some things straightened out. Everyone is asking, when's the date? How are the wedding plans coming?
YOu know what? Stop asking! Because I've stopped thinking about it. I can't plan this wedding, it's too stressful. And trying to work with Ryan on it...just not gonna happen, he's stubborn and somehow we just don't communicate well.
You know, I pray to god that our premarital counseling works miracles for us, because we're gonna need it, otherwise it will have been a waste of money. But not as much of a waste of money as the wedding would have been.
Ryan. You make me shake my head at you. I don't know what else to do.